Saturday, January 23, 2010

FACTS

1. I love "The Mummy". If you have a problem with that, you should leave now.

2. However, I could take or leave "The Mummy Returns".

2a. And don't even get me started on the franchise that followed.

3. Sometimes when I'm trying to remember how a song goes, the opening line of "Free Bird" runs through my head completely of it's own volition.

3a. Not even the real version, a cover version from that shitty movie "Duets" with Gwenyth Paltrow 'cause that's the first time I ever heard it (I was like 15 and didn't listen to much music. And also watched shitty movies, apparently). How uncool is that?

4. I've found that it's really hard to stay cranky if you sing or listen to "Milkshake" by Kelis.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Moral

Say there's someone you're close to, you spend lots of time with, have been friends with for a few years. You've had your ups and downs. You're very different people and have very different ideals, perspectives, politics. Part of what makes your friendship enjoyable is being able to discuss and debate these differences. Okay, perhaps mostly argue and roll your eyes at each other.

When this person shows absolute disdain for a human life, multiple human lives - do you stick around? Hope to be a good influence? Assume they're simply making these comments for shock value? Walk away and sever all contact?

It's not disdain for just plain old human life. It's not in theory or just a thought in the ether. It's specific human lives. It's deciding some people matter more than others.

It's not just some talking head on cable news. It's your friend. What do you do?

Things I Will Not Do (in no particular order)

1. Buy a tuna sandwich from Dunkin Donuts. Because stale donuts don't instill the trust necessary to place a seafood order.

2. Use the word "guestimate". 'CAUSE IT'S NOT A WORD. You can make a guess or you can make an estimate, pick one and stick with it, you indecisive prick.

3. Wear a band tee shirt for a band I don't listen to. It's like lying. But with clothes.

To be continued...

Fighting the urge to name drop...

This used to be way easier to do everyday back in high school. Maybe that's 'cause I was in high school and therefore thought everything out of my mouth was profound and/or hilarious?

I mean, I was totally right, but I guess I'm just out of practice.

So let's see. Went to the post office today. In my pajamas. Wow, I'm not turning out to be that crazy-guy-who-wanders-around-town and everyone-avoids-eye-contact with at all.

Had a guy at work tonight get really angry 'cause I wouldn't let him use an employee discount he couldn't prove he had....on a bottle of water. Seriously. He tried to pull "I do it every week!" on me - yeah, guy, I work there full time and I ain't ever seen your cheap, bald headed self before. Better luck next time.

Man, I'm a total bitch. I just hate people trying to get one over on me.

It's been pointed out to me that the last three titles on my entries are "P.I.M.P" "HO!" and "Whiskey". However unintentional this may have been, I'm somewhat astonished I don't have more readers.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

P-I-M-P

When Helen Mirren walked on stage to present a Golden Globe, she paused for a moment and let the audience simply bask in her sexiness. She looked around the room as if to say, "Yes, I really am this hot. I'll give you a minute to soak it in and recover."

Whiskey

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I need something to distract me from my rage...




...okay, this kinda helps.

Edited to say: I love that after being removed from the man's head, the parrot climbs on his lap for a cuddle.

Yeah, well, f*@k you, too...

Work was filled with DRAMA today. Not really comfortable discussing it on the interwebs, but basically - the woman in charge of our store is leaving and everyone is incredibly bummed out about it because she is FANTASTIC and we love her.

Then I got a headache, so that made everything better.

And now some other very petty, dumb shit I probably won't remember tomorrow just happened and pissed me off so now I'm going to bed. Good night.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

You're just jealous of my jet pack...

Found myself quite randomly at a mall yesterday. There was a Wet Seal AND a Charlotte Russe. Both have become far sluttier than I remember them being in high school. I once bought a tee shirt with a picture of Elmo on it at Wet Seal and yesterday they were selling a bra with gold colored rhinestones. Seriously.

Anyway, it's been awhile since I've had clothes that I REALLY like. I've been wearing "work clothes" for years now, add that to my somewhat non-existent clothing budget and my closet's pretty pathetic looking. When I turned 24 I started feeling like maybe I should start shopping in more "grown up" stores. I already look about 16 most of the time, the tee shirts with cartoon characters on them probably don't help much. And isn't it just a little bit sad to be in your mid twenties and still shopping in Delia's?

But yesterday I realized - I LIKE tee shirts with cartoon characters on them. I like fun designs and witty things written on my shirts (the key word being "witty", I'm rather discriminating, really). In fact, I really MISS tee shirts in general. Dressing like a grown up is incredibly boring.

And when you think about it, doesn't being a "grown up" mean I get to decide what that means in the first place? So from now on, I will do my best to remember that dressing like a grown up means dressing however I damn well please, thank you. And if that means getting carded more, so be it.

In related news, look what I just ordered!


You are so jealous.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What? Starburst are just really that good...

I know that it's made of total crap and is probably just some pizza crust with chocolate and frosting on it, but I just had a warm chocolate pastry from Papa John's and I think I had a mouthgasm. Tastegasm? Either way, it was fucking perfect. It was like the absolutely exact thing I needed right at that moment. Seriously. It's like when you're having a bad day and you randomly pop a strawberry Starburst in your mouth and you have to stop what you're doing and go "HOLY JESUS THIS MAKES THE WHOLE WORLD A BETTER PLACE" and suddenly the hole in your soul is just a little smaller and Fox never cancelled Firefly and Aaron Sorkin never left the "West Wing" and Joss Whedon got to make "Wonder Woman" and David Tennant never regenerated and....

I mean, that happens to everyone, right?

(...could my list of things that would make the world better have something to do with my lack of a boyfriend? Maybe?)

Also, I ordered pizza tonight for the first time in...I really have no idea how long. Years. Literally. Not counting eating pizza other people have ordered, of course.

In other news, the dryers in my complex blow and my work clothes (which are almost completely all black) are all now laid out over a chair, a bicycle, the heater, and the railing of the staircase. It's like a goth kid exploded in my apartment. Poor little emo kid. Probably just needed a hug.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

With really quite lame power...

I think I'm allergic to my house. Last night I was at a friend's and felt fine, then I got home, got into bed, and I'm ridiculously congested. Stupid moldy, disgusting house. I feel kind of like crap and I can't tell if it's because I'm getting sick from all the germy people I've been around lately or I'm just having allergies.

Work has been a bit better these past few days. Could have to do with the fact that I haven't had to deal with customers as much. One of the lovely little perks of my promotion means that if I find it necessary, I can tell other people to deal with the customers while I go do something else. Bwahaha. I try to only use this power for good, of course, and only when necessary, like when new product has to be put out or paper work has to be done. I'd feel like an ass just swanning off for no reason while other people work. It is kinda nice having the option, though.

One of these days maybe I'll write something actually worth reading!! I guess I'm just trying to work my up to it. Practice makes whatever and all that crap. Later.

Friday, January 1, 2010