Me: I was watching this TV show and there was a Jewish character singing the Sh'ma* to a totally different tune than I'm used to, it was interesting.
Mom: Oh, really? What show was it?
Me: Being Human.
Mom: What's it about?
Me: Um...a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost living in a house together.
Mom:.......And who exactly was singing the Sh'ma?
Me: The werewolf.
Mom: ...Why was the werewolf singing the Sh'ma?
Me: 'Cause he's a Jewish werewolf. Duh.
*A Jewish prayer.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Snow Stopped Being Fun When I Learned to Drive
I can't find any effing shovels. New Jersey is expecting it's second "Snowpocolypse" (I hate that term, btw, it's just a snow storm, it is not the end times! I blame hipsters.) of the year and that means that everyone has run out to stock pile snow shovels. Or something. Either way, it means I don't get one and it's pissing me off.
I'm going to have to go ask my neighbors to borrow a shovel so I can dig out my car, and that's awkward because I don't know any of my neighbors. I've seen them and held the door open for them occasionally, but it's not like I know anyone's names. I mean, I've got my own made up names for them. There's Eccentric European Lady who lives upstairs who I once caught talking to Nice Asian Man about ghosts, Possibly Orthodox Lady, who always seems to be carrying lots and lots of bags either to or from her car, Guy With Two Canes who DEFINTELY won't have a shovel, because you can't use a shovel when you have two canes, and then there's the Angry Lesbians who live across the hall.
I have no idea why they're so angry all the time. Maybe their parents didn't accept their life choices. Or maybe they just lost all their comfy socks and are forced to wear really scratchy ones. Either way, them being so cranky all the time is really annoying. They never acknowledge anyone in passing and refuse to open the front door for you even when they're checking their mail and see you struggling with the key. And they always look really solemn and don't seem to speak, even to each other. Also one of them yelled at me once for having noisy friends. So that pretty much rules out asking the Angry Lesbians to borrow a shovel. Maybe I could ask the woman next door who laughs like some kind of cross between a dolphin witch (that's a dolphin who happens to also be a witch, if you're curious). She might have a shovel. At least I know she has a sense of humor.
I'm going to have to go ask my neighbors to borrow a shovel so I can dig out my car, and that's awkward because I don't know any of my neighbors. I've seen them and held the door open for them occasionally, but it's not like I know anyone's names. I mean, I've got my own made up names for them. There's Eccentric European Lady who lives upstairs who I once caught talking to Nice Asian Man about ghosts, Possibly Orthodox Lady, who always seems to be carrying lots and lots of bags either to or from her car, Guy With Two Canes who DEFINTELY won't have a shovel, because you can't use a shovel when you have two canes, and then there's the Angry Lesbians who live across the hall.
I have no idea why they're so angry all the time. Maybe their parents didn't accept their life choices. Or maybe they just lost all their comfy socks and are forced to wear really scratchy ones. Either way, them being so cranky all the time is really annoying. They never acknowledge anyone in passing and refuse to open the front door for you even when they're checking their mail and see you struggling with the key. And they always look really solemn and don't seem to speak, even to each other. Also one of them yelled at me once for having noisy friends. So that pretty much rules out asking the Angry Lesbians to borrow a shovel. Maybe I could ask the woman next door who laughs like some kind of cross between a dolphin witch (that's a dolphin who happens to also be a witch, if you're curious). She might have a shovel. At least I know she has a sense of humor.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Mourning
I never know the right amount of sad to be. There's this strange grey area.
Someone I used to know died and I'm not sure how to feel. He was my age, in my homeroom at school, and died in a tragic accident far away.
For a little while, before people knew what really happened (he died halfway across the world, so facts were pretty sketchy at first) I was hoping it would have turned out to be some kind of mistake. A prank of some kind, a really mean one, but still better than the truth. I hoped and maybe even believed a little that he'd just pop up somewhere, claiming the rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated a la Mark Twain.
We were never really friends, at one point I think I may not have liked him much due to some friends of his I didn't get along with, but by the time high school ended I came to think of him as a kind person who'd matured and grown since 9th grade and realized I'd been wrong about him initially. I ran into him at a bar a few years after high school and we had a drink. I think I half-laughingly brought up something about old friends of his picking on me in school and he began talking about how no one can really know what another person is really like or who they really are. It either went over my head or I shrugged it off as something said after one drink too many. I think I was more concerned with proving I was no longer a scrawny, awkward nerd anymore (or at least, no longer scrawny) than really catching up or having any kind of deep conversation. I feel bad about that now, though I doubt it bothered him much. We barely knew each other, after all, and who really lingers over a fuzzy conversation with a former schoolmate at a bar?
Well, I guess I do. Now.
And now I'm not sure how to react. I'm sad, sad enough that I feel even less like chatting with passing coworkers than usual and just want to sit here quietly, contemplating. But for some reason I'd feel bad if I were to act TOO upset. I wouldn't want anyone wasting any time to comfort me, someone who barely knew him, when there are real friends, family, and loved ones out there truly grieving.
So I guess for now I'll just sit here and contemplate, write maudlin things in a blog one person reads, and try and gauge the appropriate levels of strange feelings that I don't really know the names for. I think mourning will always just feel weird.
Someone I used to know died and I'm not sure how to feel. He was my age, in my homeroom at school, and died in a tragic accident far away.
For a little while, before people knew what really happened (he died halfway across the world, so facts were pretty sketchy at first) I was hoping it would have turned out to be some kind of mistake. A prank of some kind, a really mean one, but still better than the truth. I hoped and maybe even believed a little that he'd just pop up somewhere, claiming the rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated a la Mark Twain.
We were never really friends, at one point I think I may not have liked him much due to some friends of his I didn't get along with, but by the time high school ended I came to think of him as a kind person who'd matured and grown since 9th grade and realized I'd been wrong about him initially. I ran into him at a bar a few years after high school and we had a drink. I think I half-laughingly brought up something about old friends of his picking on me in school and he began talking about how no one can really know what another person is really like or who they really are. It either went over my head or I shrugged it off as something said after one drink too many. I think I was more concerned with proving I was no longer a scrawny, awkward nerd anymore (or at least, no longer scrawny) than really catching up or having any kind of deep conversation. I feel bad about that now, though I doubt it bothered him much. We barely knew each other, after all, and who really lingers over a fuzzy conversation with a former schoolmate at a bar?
Well, I guess I do. Now.
And now I'm not sure how to react. I'm sad, sad enough that I feel even less like chatting with passing coworkers than usual and just want to sit here quietly, contemplating. But for some reason I'd feel bad if I were to act TOO upset. I wouldn't want anyone wasting any time to comfort me, someone who barely knew him, when there are real friends, family, and loved ones out there truly grieving.
So I guess for now I'll just sit here and contemplate, write maudlin things in a blog one person reads, and try and gauge the appropriate levels of strange feelings that I don't really know the names for. I think mourning will always just feel weird.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
It's okay, I'm takin' it back...
Has anyone ever said something to you that you don't really understand but you know is supposed to be funny, but you're not sure whether to laugh or not because you're maybe a little worried it might be some really obscure racial slur?
...
.....
........that's a normal concern to have, right?
Right??
...
.....
........that's a normal concern to have, right?
Right??
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Being human.
Last night I read about this family whose house burned down because they didn't pay the fire department a $75 fire protection fee. The fire department literally stood around and watched the house burn, not doing anything until the fire spread to a neighbors property, a neighbor who HAD paid the fee. The fire fighters put out the fire on the neighbors property but still did nothing to stop the original fire.
The more I read about this and the more I think about it, the more upset I become. There are plenty of factors in play in this story, plenty of arguments about who was wrong and who was right. The house in question was outside of county lines and therefore not under the fire departments jurisdiction, hence the optional fire protection fee since people outside county lines don't pay into the taxes that normally support the fire department. And yes, fire departments do need funding, you can't pay a fire fighter with hugs and sunshine and you can't buy the life saving equipment they use with good wishes. Three years ago the same family had a chimney fire and had not paid their protection fee and the fire department responded anyway, letting them pay the fee after putting out the fire. Some might say the family had simply not learned their lesson the first time and now must deal with the consequences. Others blame the mayor, who was notified of the fire and told the fire department to stand down.
I could spend all day listing who should have done what and when and trying to figure out who's really to blame for this home burning to the ground, but really, that's not my point.
My point is that when there's a fire - you put it out. That's it. End of story. It doesn't matter where it's located, who owns the property, what kind of resources are necessary. When there's a fire, and you have the ability to put it out, YOU PUT THE FIRE OUT. You could get wrapped up in laws and fees and bureacracy OR you remember that you're a human being and do what's right. Human beings help each other. We help a kid up when they trip on the sidewalk. We help the guy stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire. We bring a meal to a neighbor who's sick. We put the damn fire out.
Not to mention the fact that this pay-for-rescue system is just incredibly flawed and dangerous to the public as a whole. I said this on a gawker.com forum last night, but I'll say it again here because I feel it makes my point: The fire spread to a neighbors property and was put out - but only on their property. What if the fire hadn't been so easily contained? Putting out one house on fire doesn't just save that home, it can save entire neighborhoods. Waiting for a fire to spread before doing anything about it is scarily stupid and incredibly dangerous.
In the end, I suppose that all I can say is this: Remember you're a person. Don't be afraid to do what's right even when you don't have to or someone tells you not to bother. Help the little old lady to cross the street. Give a lost stranger directions. Give your friend a ride to the airport even if it IS a total pain in the ass. Be kind.
Don't let a house burn down.
The more I read about this and the more I think about it, the more upset I become. There are plenty of factors in play in this story, plenty of arguments about who was wrong and who was right. The house in question was outside of county lines and therefore not under the fire departments jurisdiction, hence the optional fire protection fee since people outside county lines don't pay into the taxes that normally support the fire department. And yes, fire departments do need funding, you can't pay a fire fighter with hugs and sunshine and you can't buy the life saving equipment they use with good wishes. Three years ago the same family had a chimney fire and had not paid their protection fee and the fire department responded anyway, letting them pay the fee after putting out the fire. Some might say the family had simply not learned their lesson the first time and now must deal with the consequences. Others blame the mayor, who was notified of the fire and told the fire department to stand down.
I could spend all day listing who should have done what and when and trying to figure out who's really to blame for this home burning to the ground, but really, that's not my point.
My point is that when there's a fire - you put it out. That's it. End of story. It doesn't matter where it's located, who owns the property, what kind of resources are necessary. When there's a fire, and you have the ability to put it out, YOU PUT THE FIRE OUT. You could get wrapped up in laws and fees and bureacracy OR you remember that you're a human being and do what's right. Human beings help each other. We help a kid up when they trip on the sidewalk. We help the guy stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire. We bring a meal to a neighbor who's sick. We put the damn fire out.
Not to mention the fact that this pay-for-rescue system is just incredibly flawed and dangerous to the public as a whole. I said this on a gawker.com forum last night, but I'll say it again here because I feel it makes my point: The fire spread to a neighbors property and was put out - but only on their property. What if the fire hadn't been so easily contained? Putting out one house on fire doesn't just save that home, it can save entire neighborhoods. Waiting for a fire to spread before doing anything about it is scarily stupid and incredibly dangerous.
In the end, I suppose that all I can say is this: Remember you're a person. Don't be afraid to do what's right even when you don't have to or someone tells you not to bother. Help the little old lady to cross the street. Give a lost stranger directions. Give your friend a ride to the airport even if it IS a total pain in the ass. Be kind.
Don't let a house burn down.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Emails With No Context: The Return
Jennifer gets all the credit for this hilarious "Email With No Context", for which I of course hate her, but it was too funny and perfect for this series and therefore I begrudgingly allow her continued existence (also she makes yummy cupcakes). For those too lazy to read all the way through, I'll just say this: Skip down and read #8, it's really all you need.
To: Robin
From: Jennifer
Subject: Re: EXCESSIVELY LONG LIST EMAIL
1. I'm already three chapters in.
1b. I'm excessively naughty.
2. Lol, I have no idea if I was carried. Also, I HATE waking up to dirty dishes. It drives me crazy. Plus, we have the occasional fruit fly. So yeah.
3. I have no advice for you. :[
4. I HATE that. The taste bud. The rest too.
5. Sure and let's rewatch, just to be safe.
6. !!!!!!!
7. Lol. I know what that's like. There was this guy from my high school who's alway super-overly friendly and socially awkward and likes to touch you (not inappropriately, he's probably just imitating friendly hugs he sees) and always wants to talk and no matter how well he means any subject he chooses is inevitably like "OH MY GOD GET AWAY FROM ME." But he's the nicest person in the world (except when he makes insensitive meat comments but even then I'm sure he doesn't get it) and it makes you feel awful. He's just socially inept.
8. Bring in a fiber-filled treat for everyone and see what happens. If there's no change, bring in a bowl of condoms.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
TINY GIRAFFE TINY GIRAFFE
Guys! Guys! My cat TOTALLY does this when I give her kisses!!
Also, tiny giraffes WOULD make awesome pets. They could eat house plants!!
Science, after you cure cancer and world hunger could you get on this? Thanks.
Science, after you cure cancer and world hunger could you get on this? Thanks.
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