I can't find any effing shovels. New Jersey is expecting it's second "Snowpocolypse" (I hate that term, btw, it's just a snow storm, it is not the end times! I blame hipsters.) of the year and that means that everyone has run out to stock pile snow shovels. Or something. Either way, it means I don't get one and it's pissing me off.
I'm going to have to go ask my neighbors to borrow a shovel so I can dig out my car, and that's awkward because I don't know any of my neighbors. I've seen them and held the door open for them occasionally, but it's not like I know anyone's names. I mean, I've got my own made up names for them. There's Eccentric European Lady who lives upstairs who I once caught talking to Nice Asian Man about ghosts, Possibly Orthodox Lady, who always seems to be carrying lots and lots of bags either to or from her car, Guy With Two Canes who DEFINTELY won't have a shovel, because you can't use a shovel when you have two canes, and then there's the Angry Lesbians who live across the hall.
I have no idea why they're so angry all the time. Maybe their parents didn't accept their life choices. Or maybe they just lost all their comfy socks and are forced to wear really scratchy ones. Either way, them being so cranky all the time is really annoying. They never acknowledge anyone in passing and refuse to open the front door for you even when they're checking their mail and see you struggling with the key. And they always look really solemn and don't seem to speak, even to each other. Also one of them yelled at me once for having noisy friends. So that pretty much rules out asking the Angry Lesbians to borrow a shovel. Maybe I could ask the woman next door who laughs like some kind of cross between a dolphin witch (that's a dolphin who happens to also be a witch, if you're curious). She might have a shovel. At least I know she has a sense of humor.