"You can't spend the rest of your life crying. It annoys people in the movies."

"You can't spend the rest of your life crying. It annoys people in the movies."
- The Odd Couple

I absolutely HATE to cry in front of other people.

Crying is a thoroughly humiliating experience. You get all red and slimey and snotty and your voice sounds all wimpery and it's just embarrassing. More importantly, it feels like a huge sign of weakness. I know crying isn't REALLY a sign of weakness, but it sometimes feels like one.

For years I never cried in front of anyone except my mother. I wouldn't even let my father in the room when I was crying, which I know hurt him and I feel bad about. The thing is, he would give me this sad, helpless look and I couldn't bear it. I know he just wanted to help but seeing him so sad made me feel terrible in a way I didn't really understand when I was younger. What I've realized is the biggest problem about crying in front of someone else is that most of the time, I wind up feeling worse for them. It's terrible to see someone you care about in pain. Sometimes it's enough to make you want to fall down weeping yourself. In recent years I have in fact broken down and cried in front of my father, who now usually just rushes over and pulls me into a big hug. It's both comforting and saves me from having to see how sad he is to see his daughter cry (because you can't see someone's face when your head's buried in their shoulder!), so I'm all for the bear-hug solution.

Over time my disdain for crying in public has actually turned into this strange way of forcing me to put things into perspective. Once I start crying in front of someone, not only do I start to feel embarrassed but I see how it upsets them and all I want to do is make THEM feel better. I start thinking, "Well, come on, this is just silly. Nothing so bad has happened that I need to sit here and make someone else feel miserable over it." And then I realize not only is there no reason to make someone else feel miserable over my situation, there's no real reason for ME to be miserable over it, either. Before long I'm usually drying my eyes and thinking up sarcastic remarks to make the whole thing seem funny, because laughing is easier than crying and much more attractive, I think.

I guess giving in and crying in front of someone, even if it feels like showing a weakness, is something that winds up making me feel stronger. Instead of wallowing alone in self pity, I reached out to someone and realized maybe things aren't really as bad as they seem. And now, maybe, I can move on.