It's PURIM!!!

Mean what you say...or not...whatever

Customer: Excuse me, does this drink already have the chocolate sauce mixed in?
What I really say: Yes.
What I WANT to say: No, it's just that brown color 'cause I took a shit in it.


Customer (to my boss): Do you know how to make Mexican hot chocolate?
What she really said: No, sorry.
What she WANTED to say: Mexican hot chocolate? I dunno, a taco and a rough night?

Five(ish) Facts

Actually used a real microphone this time. Next time, to record someplace with a background nicer than my ugly windows!

You were warned...

The sound is terrible so you'll have to turn your speakers way up:



Yes. I made a webcam video. About making webcam videos. And then I gave it really jumpy editing 'cause that always makes things seem more exciting. Especially boring webcam videos.

Hindsight

In high school I had a teacher who claimed that Tiger Woods owed his success to the fact that he didn't let himself become distracted by women.

I'll just leave that one out there for you.

Good First Impression

Me: Ruben's a thief, just so you know.
New store manager: What?!
Ruben: Don't tell him that, I just met him!!
Me:....of hearts. He's a thief of hearts, is what I meant to say.

You had to be there...

At work today:

::Chris drops a pile of papers on the floor and starts shaking his fists at the sky in anguish::
Me: Don't rage at the gods about it, pick them up!
Chris: ZEEEEUUUUUUUSSSSS

(And in that moment, I felt a little bit like the dad from @shitmydadsays.)

(It's way funnier if you've seen the Disney version of "Hercules")